If I never have to see you again....

I f I never have to see you again,
I will always carry you inside me,
Wrapped in my heart,
and immersed in my tears.
If I never have to see you again,
I will always carry you outside me,
your name scrawled in the inside of my thighs,
your scent infused in the curve of my neck,
your touch trailing my spine,
If I never have to see you again,
you will always remain in the centers,
centers of what remains of me....

THE THING

Do you know that feeling? When you have lost something but can’t remember what it was? You are desperately trying to think of it but it won’t come to you. You have said it a million times before and it was always there- right where you left it. But now you can’t recall it. You try and try and make it appear and it almost does. But it never does.

There are times when it surfaces-when I sense it on the tip of my tongue. I feel it struggling inside my chest to burst forth like a beach ball that can only be held beneath the water for so long.

I feel it stirring when someone hurts me. When I smile at a stranger and they don’t smile back. When I trust someone with a secret and they betray me. When someone I admire tells me I am not good enough for them.

I don’t know what it was that I have lost. But I know it was important. I know it once made me happy.

CROSSWORDS

I write to bring you closer. To imagine your fingers trailing on the curve of my neck onto my shoulder. To recall the feel of your lips in the curve of my waist. And how are bodies would fall into each other like words in a crossword puzzle. I write for the raw ache inside me when the ink seeps into the paper-for the bittersweet sorrow which comes from bringing you back.

THREE QUESTIONS

What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude.

It was like being exhumed, she answered. And brought to life in a flash of light.

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy.

It was like being seen after perpetual darkness, she replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow.

There was a long pause before she responded.

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me-said all at once.

Weather

You were the unexpected.

I did not expect your effect on my heart,

my mind,

my feelings,

my thoughts,

my dreams.

You were the soothing sound

of the light pitter-patter of a drizzle

on a June Sunday morning

in my brutal destructing hurricane.

Lost Things

When you have lost something-like a favorite CD or a set of keys- and while looking for it you come across something else you once lost but have long since forgotten?

Well whatever it was, there was a point where you decided to stop searching- maybe because it was no longer required or a replacement was found. It is almost as if it never existed-until that moment of discovering, a flash of recognition.

Everyone has an inventory of lost things to be found. Yearning to be acknowledged for the worth they once held in your life.

I think that is where I belong- among your lost things. An old photograph pressed between the pages of your book. I hope someday you will find me and remember what I once meant to you.

Soul

When my soul fell in love with you, there was only this yearning to be close to you. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard or a smile seen.

My soul doesn't know any calenders or clocks, nor does it understand time and distance. It only knows that it feels right to be with you.

This is the reason why I miss you- my soul feels your absence.

"Can I ask you something"?

"Anything".

"Why is it that every time we say goodnight, it feels like a good bye"?